Men and women use language differently because they are conditioned to do so since their childhood. The old adage “girls talk too much” does not necessary apply later on in life. The truth is that some men actually tend to interrupt or to dominate conversations.
In one of her books, entitled “You just don’t understand” (1990), Deborah Tannen explains that “modern stereotypes are not much different from those expressed in the old proverbs that women are believed to talk too much” (p. 75). But actually studies have found that it is the other way around – “it is men who talk more – at meetings, in mixed groups discussions, and in classroom” (p. 75).
Also, when women communicate, they take in consideration collective goals; while men focus on individual goals. I am really fascinated with the book ‘You just don’t understand’. Tannen talks about rapport-talk (private speaking) and report-talking (public speaking) and how these two concepts are directly related to how women and men communicate. While women do private speaking; men do public speaking.
According to Tannen (1990), “most women use communication to establish connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences; while for most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate/maintain status in society” (1990, p. 77). By observing the amount of time women lead a conversation without being interrupted by men, I agree with Tannen: women and men use language differently in their personal and professional lives.
Ibirapuera
That sounds like an interesting book. I hear Deborah Tannen has done a lot of work in regards to differences between how men and women communicate, and I would be interested to read one of her books sometime.
ReplyDeleteI do see how it is possible for men to speak more in the public world, as you say, and for people to still believe the saying "girls talk too much." I think that when this is said about women, it is widely believed that we gossip and constantly want to talk about ourselves. While this is just a stereotype, it does make sense that women would want to talk a lot in their private worlds if they do value establishing connections and maintaining relationships. On the other hand, if men simply use communication to show independence and status, it makes sense that they would talk more in the public world.
I highly recommend this book, Rena! There are some concepts we can immediately apply in the communication with our beloved ones. Then it makes easier to understand each other.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Women value establishing connections and maintaining relationships; while men value showing independence and status. See? Thinking about why both genders behave in certain ways illuminates everything. At least for me, it was helpful to look at the private and public spheres to understand gender differences better.
Ibirapuera